moans...

well.. i dun even knoe abt wuds wrong wid us.. i knoe things been hard.. i did asked him abt the -BREAK- stuff.. e was kinda shocked.. n he didn want to do so.. i was kinda relieved since i knoe dat there's a hope since he didnt think that a 1week break will make evrything better coz i knoe that we will miz each other alot n it will be harder for us to communicate n trust each other.. but wud can i say.. if a couple is in a break time then they can do anything they want to.. even dou breaking the old rules that they both had ever made or agreed on... but yea. wuds d point.. it will only make us miserable..

sumtimes i wanted to... i wanted to go away as far as i could from him.. not breaking any rules just taking some ME-TIME but i knoe its imposible.. the more i wana try it.. the more i couldn let him agree on it.. i knoe.. my mind is spinning around n somehow turned me into a freak-ish rust lady who cant make up her mind.. i hate to decide on things when it comes to him..

today i didn even talk much to him.. even dou we are at the same car.. same class.. n when i left earlier for gym.. i rang him n he just said "go ahead girl.. dont wait up.." dat;s jus pissed me off.. then finally i left.. n right when im abt to finish wit my gym.. he called up n ask me to come to bu kris.. grab a lunch... at dat time i tot there's the time where he wanted me to come over so that we can try to talk n figure things out.. but wud... he didn exactly talk to me n he took me as a stone right next to him... wud a jerk!!! then when we go back.. in d car.. we didn talk at all.. even when he reached his house.. he jus simply banged d door n when he got out not saying a word..

this is the point where i told me to take a break.. coz i felt kike im done wid all this.. i have a boyfriend.. but he's a stranger for me.. i have him right next to me.. but feels like im driving alone..

i feel like crying.. coz my mind is jus so fu**ed up right now.. i love him.. but for him.. i am nothing but a stone.. an accesories in front of his frens..

then there comes the next case.. where my skul ask me to join the miss university contest.. i did joined in.. not becos of wud.. but bcoz i wanted to try my brain... like a brain work out.. since each n everyskull will present their best students.. then i figured why not?? i did not lose anything by trying to win,.. i dun have to pay or do anything m,uch just tofit in.. all i have t do is just giving my best.. n yet he disagree n ask me to withdraw from that competition.. just becos of him got sared if i get noticed by other guys who watch d competition live then ajak aku kenalan... dats so negativee.... he did not support me just bcoz of dat?? wudabt the chance or other opportunity that i might get from joining this competition in my future??? i juz don get u..

yes i did elaborate evrything to him abt why i decided to joined in.. blah blah blah.. yet his heavy headed stubborn kills my point by saying no all d time.. n right after we r colling on by not discussing nything.. he kissed me thru d phone.. but less than an hour.... we argued again.. abt my visitaion to dentist...

he was supposed to accompany me to the dentist.. i told him days ago.. n he just ignore it.. n finally i went to dentist alone n found out that he went out wid all of his frens hanging out at d loop n said sorry to leave me alone at d dentist... padahal aku ngmgny uda lama.. n tmnny bru ngajak arini...

well im done,, i cant think of anything right now.. gona crash now.. let it be.. let it be..